Coats
by The Master Chief
Summary: Misato's about to learn that things aren't always what they may seem...


Master Chief

MasterChief@disc13.com

)reverse brackets( indicates Asuka speaking in German.

_Italics_ indicate character thoughts.

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Coats

By the Master Chief

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            It was a dark and stormy night… Well, not really.  Actually, it was the middle of one of the brightest, clearest days that the metropolis of Tokyo-3 had ever experienced.  It was on this day that one Misato Katsuragi, dressed in a blue midriff and matching cutoff denim shorts, yawned and stood outside the door to her apartment, her head sinking as she fought off the hangover from the long, hard night of partying at Ritsuko's place.

MISATO: _Man, I can't believe this… What the hell are they doing…?  I'm gonna **kill** them for locking me out like this!_

            She shook her head violently in an attempt to force whatever was pounding inside to leave her the hell alone, her hair flapping about wildly as she did.  She then brought her hand to the door and knocked, striking the door three times.  Several seconds passed, and she got no response.  Frustrated, she was about to knock again when she heard their voices.

SHINJI: You mean it isn't like this?

ASUKA: No, stupid!   I went through a lot of trouble to get this for you; the least you could do is try to wear it right!  )Idiot!(

SHINJI: Sorry…

ASUKA: Stop apologizing already!

SHINJI: Sorry…!

            Asuka groaned in frustration, apparently upset at Shinji's response.  This piqued Misato's interest.  What were they doing?  Normally, Asuka couldn't stand to be around Shinji at all.

MISATO: *Curious* _Hm, I guess I could stick around and listen in for a little while…_

            Misato pressed her left ear to the door, suddenly full of exuberance as she strained to listen.  For a little while, all she could get was grunts and groans of frustration.  Then, Asuka screamed.

ASUKA: )My God in Heaven!(  What the hell is wrong with you!  How could you break it!?

SHINJI: Sorry!  It's not big enough!

ASUKA: Don't give me that you scrawny…!  I made sure this damned coat was your size!

            Misato giggled to herself at their little exchange, grinning from ear to ear as she did.

MISATO: _How cute… Asuka bought a coat for Shinji to wear…_

ASUKA: Damn it!  Wait here, I'll get **another** one… )Moron!(

            Misato's grin faded from her face as she blinked in surprise.

MISATO: _Another one…?  Just how many coats did she buy him…?_

            Against her better judgment, she continued to listen, pressing her ear harder against the door.  Soon enough, she heard Asuka again.

ASUKA: *Triumphant* There!  *Whistles softly* Mmm, it looks good on you, stupid…

SHINJI: *Gasps softly, his voice sounding unsteady as he speaks* P-Please, Asuka, do you have to call me that…?

ASUKA: Yep.  It fits you.

SHINJI: Um, yeah…

ASUKA: All right, come here…

            Misato giggled at herself as she heard them.  She couldn't wait to see Shinji in the new coat that Asuka had bought him.  Suddenly, she realized that she might not get the chance for a long time, judging by Shinji's audible reaction.

MISATO: _I hate to do this, but…_

            She took out a small black baton with what looked like a pair of electrodes at the end from her black purse and pressed it against the ID keypad next to her door, then pressed the button on the shaft of it.  A small jolt of electricity hit the pad, then the indicator went green and the door opened, just as it had all the times she had lost her ID card in the mess of her purse.  She took a look through the door as she stepped in.

MISATO: *Sounding perky* Hi there, guys!  Let's see Shinji in his - **What the fuck!?**

            She saw Asuka, lying naked with her legs spread eagle on the floor, her body glistening with sweat as she looked up at an equally naked Shinji, who was standing over her with his rather extraordinary manhood centimeters from Asuka's flower, the long sausage wrapped in a latex condom.  Misato stared at them in bug-eyed shock.  The kids stared back at her, looking panicked and fearful, their cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

SHINJI:  *stuttering* Um, it-it's not…

ASUKA:  *Stuttering as well* Wh-what you think…

MISATO: *Her voice soft and wavering* Holy… shit… Coat…

            With that, Misato fainted dead away, her head hitting the floor with a loud thud.  Neither of the children moved from their compromising position, but Asuka's look was more venomous than anything else as she stared up at Shinji.

ASUKA: *Screaming at the top of her lungs, fuming* **)Idiot****!(**  I told you to lock the door and change the password!

SHINJI: *Nervous and wilting* I-I did…

ASUKA: Bullshit!  What's Misato doing here, then!?  You can't do a God damned thing right!

SHINJI: Sorry!

ASUKA: Quit apologizing already!

SHINJI: Sorry!

ASUKA: **AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!! )IDIOT!!!(**

The End

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Neon Genesis Evangelion © Gainax/TV Tokyo.

            OK, why did I do this?  Well, having seen so many fics where someone listening in thinks Asuka and Shinji (or Gendo and Rei) are having sex, only to find they are doing something else, I thought I'd try the other way around.  Anyway, if you don't like it, or you think I should dump the script format for prose, or whatever, please email MasterChief@disc13.com with your suggestions.

            A note to those seeing this on the archive:  It was originally intended that Asuka's German would be written in red text.  However, as fanfiction.net does not allow colors to be used in their submissions, I opted for reverse brackets instead.  Those seeing this on other archives **should be seeing those bits in red text.  As for why I did this instead of using German phrases... Well, the fan boy German in Eva fics annoys the hell out of me, as I'm sure it does many of you.  At any rate, have a nice day.**

            Oh, and Duke Nukem: Tokyo-3 Project Chapter 04 is out right now!  What are you waiting for!?  Go on, read it!

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